


here i go again (on my own)

by SJAandDWfan



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, aka this is my angst revenge but i am still incapable of writing a sad ending for anything, alyssa just goes through Some Shit during this fic, it has a happy ending i promise, superhero time loop au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-30 23:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21436276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJAandDWfan/pseuds/SJAandDWfan
Summary: “Time is a delicate thing,” Shelby said, a clear warning in her voice. “Whatever you’re thinking, I can promise you it’s not as simple as going back and fixing things just like that. It doesn’t work that way.”“I have to try,” Alyssa said, feeling more and more desperate. She glanced at Emma’s body again and swallowed, feeling tears finally prick at her eyes. “Please at least let me try.”“Either you succeed, or you don’t,” Shelby sighed, rubbing her temples. “If I send you back with the express intention of saving Emma, time will loop, and you won’t be free from it until you manage to save her.”“Okay,” Alyssa said immediately.orsuperhero time loop au
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95





	here i go again (on my own)

**Author's Note:**

> aimee, this one's for you.
> 
> (tw for character death, descriptions of violence, and vomiting)

**1.**

“You’re late, Greene,” Dee Dee Allen said, leaning back in her leather desk chair and steepling her fingers together. “And considering your gifts, that’s quite a feat.”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Allen,” Alyssa said, still a little out of breath from running up thirty flights of stairs, even if she had been able to do it faster than anyone else she knew. “It won’t happen again.”

“Good.”

Alyssa straightened her spine. “What’s the briefing?”

“Nick Boomer.” Dee Dee let out a heavy sigh. “He’s back.”

A chill went through Alyssa’s body. She swallowed, trying not to let the fear she felt show on her face. She nodded stiffly, waiting for instructions. Dee Dee stood up, walking around her desk and perching elegantly on the edge as she regarded Alyssa with almost-burning eyes that Alyssa watched nervously. Last time Dee Dee had gotten angry about Nick, there had been scorch marks left in the carpet.

“Word came from Shields that he’s on his way here,” Dee Dee said. “He’s looking for revenge on the city that cast him out. Barry, Trent, Angie and I are each sending our best agent out into the field.”

“A collaboration?” Alyssa’s interest was piqued. If the four heads of the city’s Superhero Agency were willingly working in tandem, then it must be serious. “Who’s heading the op?”

“Technically, as the Director, Hawkins is,” Dee Dee said, with a somewhat fond roll of her eyes. “But there’s no team leader on this; you all have equal ranking.”

“Understood.” Alyssa chewed on her bottom lip. “Who, um, is being volunteered for this?”

“Trent is sending Klein, Angie’s sending Gonzales, and Barry…” Dee Dee paused. “Barry is sending Nolan.”

Alyssa’s heart sped up. She fought to keep a neutral expression. “Oh.”

“That won’t be a problem, will it?” Dee Dee raised an eyebrow. “I like to think I’m up to date on all… _personal _developments, but—”

“There’s no developments,” Alyssa said quickly. “Em—Nolan and I are just friends.”

“Even if you want more?”

Alyssa sighed; her mentor really could see right through her. She was almost surprised that telepathy wasn’t one of her powers. “It doesn’t matter what I want. The mission comes first.”

“Hm.” Dee Dee crossed her arms over her chest. “This is a matter of the city’s safety, Greene. Keep focus.”

“I will.”

Dee Dee narrowed her eyes for a moment, before her expression cleared. “Good. Go see Saperstein for the paperwork.”

Alyssa nodded, turning and walking towards the door. Just as she reached it, Dee Dee spoke again.

“And, Greene?”

Alyssa faced her. “Yes, Ms. Allen?”

“Good luck.”

“Thank you,” Alyssa said, giving her a brief smile, before stepping backwards and phasing through the solid wood.

Alyssa stood, a light breeze ruffling her hair as she looked down at the city she called home. Edgewater was both the most and least safe place to live in, depending on who you asked – or what day it was. Superheroes abounded, but that brought danger in itself. Besides, there was something unusual about this place. An energy that Alyssa couldn’t quite figure out. But it sure was beautiful to look at.

“Hey.”

Alyssa whipped around, almost losing her footing. She recovered, blushing a little. She really didn’t want to fall off the top of this lookout building and make Emma fly down and save her; it would be way too embarrassing, considering the size of Alyssa’s crush on her.

Emma looked at her, amusement dancing in her eyes. “You good?”

“I’m fine,” Alyssa said quickly. “You just startled me.”

“Everyone’s a little on edge,” Emma said, tilting her head and giving her a sympathetic smile. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Emma, I didn’t actually fall.”

“I meant sorry if I made you late this morning,” Emma said. “If I’d have known you’d beat me in a race to LA and back, I wouldn’t have bothered to challenge you last night.”

“It was fun.” Alyssa shrugged. “Besides, I wasn’t doing anything else with my evening. If I was tired enough to oversleep this morning, then that’s on me.”

Emma grinned lopsidedly at her. “Still, I feel bad. Can I buy you takeout later to make up for it?”

“I—sure,” Alyssa’s breath caught in her chest. She tried not to get her hopes up; this was just her friend offering to get her McDonald’s or something. It was hardly a candlelit dinner in a fancy restaurant. She cleared her throat. “Just as soon as we take care of Nick.”

“Yeah.” Emma nodded, her expression turning more serious. “What does he even want?”

Alyssa shrugged. “Revenge, I guess.”

“Bit cliché, but alright,” Emma said. “I suppose he thinks that he was wronged by us stopping him from destroying Australia.”

“Probably.” Alyssa bit her lip, turning back to scan the skyline.

“Lys, what are you doing?”

“Looking for Nick,” Alyssa said simply.

Emma stifled a laugh. “But he can turn invisible.”

“I know,” Alyssa huffed. “But there’s still… I don’t know how to put it. A ripple in the air? If I look closely enough, sometimes I can see it.”

“Really?” Emma sounded interested. Her footsteps approached, until she came to a halt by Alyssa’s side. “That’s cool.”

“It’s not an unregistered power or anything,” Alyssa hastened to explain. “It’s just that nothing’s ever _truly _undetectable, if you’re paying enough attention.” She caught Emma’s gaze, looking away quickly. “Um, Kaylee’s on comms from the south side. She’s listening out for signs of his approach, and you know how good her ears are.”

“Best hearing in the city, and cool gravity control to boot,” Emma said, somewhat proudly. “Where’s Shelby at?”

“South side, with Kaylee,” Alyssa said, craning her neck to the horizon. “Looks like we got paired up, Nolan.”

“Sucks to be you right now.”

“Don’t say that,” Alyssa scoffed. “You’re useful in a fight. Flight _and _telekinesis? Come on.”

Emma glanced down, the cold wind making the tips of her ears redden. “Yeah, well, you’re not so bad to have in a fight, either. Aside from your powers, I know you always have my back.”

“Yeah, I do,” Alyssa breathed, not daring to look directly at her. “Always will, too.”

“And I will always have your back, Alyssa Greene.” Emma’s voice was soft, and it made Alyssa’s stomach flutter. “Uh, what’s the plan of attack if Nick decides to start throwing trucks at one of us?”

“Duck?”

Emma laughed. “Okay, great. Glad we—”

“_He’s here_.”

Kaylee’s voice came through on comms, clear as day, and Alyssa froze.

“What’s his status?” Emma asked quickly, a finger to her ear.

“_Breached the south-east city_ border," Kaylee reported. “_Guys, his footsteps are heading for the hospital. Shelby and I aren’t fast enough, and she can’t get close enough to stop time._”

“Shit,” Alyssa muttered. The hospital was near enough the other side of the city.

Emma puffed out her cheeks. “Up for another race?”

Without another word, she leapt off the edge of the building and took off in the direction of the hospital. Alyssa pushed off into a powerful run, zipping down the stairs and not even bothering with the doors as she ran through the wall to the street below. Everything blurred around her, her feet feeling like they weren’t even touching the ground as she sprinted towards the hospital. Above her, she could see Emma flying in the same direction. By the time they reached the hospital, Alyssa had almost caught up to Emma’s head-start.

She skidded to a stop outside the front doors, her vision blocked by the tall buildings surrounding her. Emma touched down in front of her, straightening her crooked glasses.

“Need a boost?” she asked.

“Please.”

Alyssa placed her hands on Emma’s shoulders, Emma’s arms wrapping securely around her waist, and then they were flying almost straight up. Alyssa didn’t look down as the ground got further and further away, closing her eyes as she felt the rush of wind go past. Her feet touched down on solid ground, and she opened her eyes again to find herself on the roof of the hospital with Emma’s face inches from her own.

“Thanks,” she said shortly, quickly pulling her hands back. Emma let her go, taking a few steps back out of her personal space and rubbing at the back of her neck with one hand.

“Sure thing.”

Heart hammering in her chest, Alyssa turned to look for any sign of Nick, invisible or not.

“We’re at the hospital,” Emma reported. “Do you have any idea why he’d be targeting this place?”

“_No_.” Kaylee’s voice came, desperate, over the comms. “_We’re getting there as fast as we can, but it looks like it’s just going to be you two for five or ten minutes_.”

“Emma, there,” Alyssa said, pointing to a shimmer at the end of the street.

“I don’t see anything.”

A car launched into the air their way, clearly picked up as if it weighed nothing, and crashed into the side of the building fifty feet below them. That would be Nick showing off his super strength, then.

“Okay, now I do,” Emma said. She ran towards the edge. “Cover me.”

Alyssa watched as Emma flew towards the origin of the car’s launch. “Be careful, Emma,” she said, hoping Emma could hear her over comms past the rush of the wind when she flew.

Movement caught Alyssa’s eye.

“He’s gotten around you,” she said.

“_Roger that_.” Emma’s voice went directly into her ear, and Alyssa saw her turn around and head back in the direction of the hospital. “_Can you see exactly where he is?_”

“No,” Alyssa said, peering over the edge of the building and narrowing her eyes.

“_Okay, well if you see something then—_”

Emma’s voice was cut off with a sickening yelp.

Alyssa screamed as Emma dropped out of the air like a stone, the sharp metal of a stop sign pole impaling her through the chest like a javelin. Her brain couldn’t register what had just happened; her mind went blank. All she could do was stare as Emma hit the ground.

And, all of a sudden, nothing mattered but the young woman lying prone on the asphalt.

Alyssa closed her eyes, phasing down through the roof of the building. She kept going until she was at ground level, running to where Emma lay as fast as she could. She fell to her knees beside Emma, hoping against hope that she was somehow still alive, praying that Kaylee and Shelby were almost there.

Emma’s eyes were glassy and vacant. She was gone.

Unable to catch her breath, Alyssa gripped Emma’s shoulders, pulling her up enough so that she could cradle her in her arms. She didn’t cry. She couldn’t. She couldn’t do _anything _except hold Emma to her while everything else faded into the background.

“This was my fault,” Alyssa said numbly.

She was sat on the curb between Shelby and Kaylee, looking at the frozen outline of Nick Boomer, fully visible, holding an SUV above his head. Luckily, Shelby had showed up just as Nick was about to launch his attack on the hospital and had stopped time around them. Only the three of them remained unaffected by it.

“It’s not your fault,” Kaylee said gently. “He was invisible.”

“I could tell when he’d gotten past her,” Alyssa muttered. “So why couldn’t I see when he ripped a damn stop sign from the ground and—and—”

She shook her head, gasping for breath as her eyes found Emma’s form on the ground once more. It was sick, but she almost couldn’t look away. It was as if her brain couldn’t absorb what had happened no matter how much her eyes were fixed on where the metal disappeared into Emma’s chest.

“What am I going to do?”

“We’ve got time to figure it out,” Shelby said. “Not much; it’s taking a lot of effort to hold things still, but I can give you another ten minutes.”

“She’ll still be dead,” Alyssa said shakily. “I can’t—I told her I’d always have her back. And I didn’t.”

“Alyssa…”

“If she’d had some warning then maybe she could’ve…” Alyssa trailed off, an idea sparking and suddenly filling her empty mind. “That’s it.”

Shelby frowned at her. “Alyssa, no.”

“Why not?”

“Time is a delicate thing,” Shelby said, a clear warning in her voice. “Whatever you’re thinking, I can promise you it’s not as simple as going back and fixing things just like that. It doesn’t work that way.”

“I have to try,” Alyssa said, feeling more and more desperate. She glanced at Emma’s body again and swallowed, feeling tears finally prick at her eyes. “Please at least let me try.”

“Either you succeed, or you don’t,” Shelby sighed, rubbing her temples. “If I send you back with the express intention of saving Emma, time will loop, and you won’t be free from it until you manage to save her.”

“Okay,” Alyssa said immediately.

Shelby looked at her shrewdly. “You really think you can handle seeing her die over and over again?”

“I won’t have to,” Alyssa said. She felt a surge of determination. “I just need to warn her.”

“Alyssa, the universe isn’t going to let you cheat death that easily,” Shelby said, looking imploringly into her eyes. “It’s important that you understand that. And if _you _die…”

“Think it through,” Kaylee suggested.

Alyssa shook her head fiercely. “I don’t need to think it through. I just need to save her.”

Shelby bit her lip, searching Alyssa’s eyes.

“She’d do the same for me,” Alyssa said quietly. “You know she would.”

“Okay,” Shelby sighed. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

Alyssa gripped her hand briefly. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. This is going to be a lot harder for you than it is for me.”

Kaylee put her arm around Alyssa’s shoulders. “Good luck, speedy. Don’t get Shelby fired for this.”

“If anyone’s getting fired, I’ll make sure it’s me,” Alyssa said firmly, getting to her feet with only a slight wobble.

“I can only send you back an hour before her death,” Shelby warned her. “It’s not a lot of time.”

“I work fast,” Alyssa said.

“You better.”

And with that, Shelby closed her eyes. Her brow furrowed in concentration, sweat beading on her face almost instantly as she muttered something under her breath over and over. Alyssa looked at Emma’s body one last time, vowing not to let her end up that way in the end. She was going to save her, or die trying.

She felt a tug in her gut, not unlike the one she felt when she flew with Emma, and then everything went dark.

* * *

**2.**

The first thing Alyssa noticed was how still the air was.

She knew from memory that the breeze would pick up the closer to the end of her hour that she got, but for now, everything was calm. She checked her watch. 9:04. Alyssa took a deep breath, trying to settle the nausea in her stomach from her trip back in time.

The start of the loop had taken her back to just as she’d left her apartment on her way to Dee Dee’s office. And although she already knew the threat that was coming, it was still a briefing she needed to attend in order to be sent out into the field. So, Alyssa sped off to HQ, trying to keep herself focused.

“Barry is sending Nolan.”

Alyssa swallowed. “Alright.”

“I hope I can trust you to keep things professional,” Dee Dee said. “Regardless of your personal lives.”

“We’re not—” Alyssa croaked, taken aback by the difference in Dee Dee’s wording this time around. “There’s nothing going on.”

Dee Dee regarded her; expression impossible to read. “Okay. Go see Saperstein for the paperwork. And, Greene?”

“Yes, Ms. Allen?”

“Good luck.”

Alyssa stood, once again, on top of a tall building at the north end of the city. Even though she knew Nick would be headed for the hospital, she had to meet Emma here first and warn her what was to come. She checked her watch. 9:57. If she remembered correctly, she met up with Emma about five minutes before her death, which gave her less than two minutes to prepare. She would need to be concise in her explanation.

It felt like an eternity passed, until she heard a voice coming from behind her. “Hey.”

Alyssa spun around. Standing in front of her, good as new and very much alive, was Emma.

And, suddenly, concise went out the window. Her entire plan went out the window, because Emma was there and she was _breathing _and she was looking at Alyssa with a little smile on her face like she was happy to see her, and it was all too much. Alyssa choked on a sudden sob.

Biting down hard on her lip in an attempt to muffle her crying, Alyssa zipped over to Emma in a split-second and threw her arms around her shoulders. She buried her face into Emma’s neck, breathing her in and closing her eyes as the tears that she’d been unable to shed until now finally fell.

“What’s wrong?” Emma asked, one hand coming up to stroke Alyssa’s hair. The soft gesture only made her cry harder. “Alyssa?”

“I—I—”

“Oh God, I didn’t get you in trouble, did I?” Emma asked. “If I’d have known you’d beat me in a race to LA and back, I never would’ve kept you up late by challenging you.”

“N-No…”

“Then what’s got you so upset?” Emma pulled back to look at her, hazel eyes filled with concern. God, Alyssa had missed seeing life behind those eyes.

“Nothing, I just need to warn you about something,” Alyssa managed. “It’s important.”

“Okay,” Emma said gently. “What is it?”

“This is going to sound crazy, but you—” Alyssa’s words were cut off against her will. Frowning, she tried again. “I mean, you got—” Again, she physically couldn’t continue. And, suddenly, Alyssa understood what Shelby had meant when she’d said that the universe wouldn’t let her cheat death that easily.

Emma looked at her expectantly. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“I—” Alyssa wracked her brain for something vague enough that she could say. “Just be careful during this mission, okay?”

It came out as a plea, and Emma softened, although she still looked confused. “I will. Besides, I’ve got you watching my six, right?”

Guilt flooded Alyssa’s body, and she squeezed her eyes closed, burying her face in Emma’s neck once more. They stood there for a while, until Kaylee’s voice in their ear broke the silence.

“_He’s here_.”

“What’s his status?” Emma asked, pulling back from the hug.

“_Breached the south-east city border,” _Kaylee said. “_Guys, his footsteps are heading for the hospital. Shelby and I aren’t fast enough, and she can’t get close enough to stop time._”

“Up for another race?” Emma smiled at Alyssa, who could only nod.

“He’s gotten around you,” Alyssa said, pulse quickening as the seconds until the end of the hour ticked down.

“_Roger that_,” Emma said, turning around and flying back in her direction. “_Can you see exactly where he is_?”

Alyssa couldn’t, but she knew what would happen next. “Emma, watch out for fly—”

But the universe had evidently decided that was too much of a spoiler, because the rest of Alyssa’s sentence died on her tongue. She tried to rethink her strategy.

“_Watch out for what? _” Emma asked. “_I can’t see—_”

The pole drove through Emma’s chest, drawing a cry from both her and Alyssa. Emma fell sharply out of the air. It wasn’t any less shocking to watch the second time around. Alyssa’s mouth was open in a silent scream, dread spreading through her body at the speed of light. She’d failed.

Emma’s body hit the floor and, a few seconds later, Alyssa’s stomach jerked and everything went dark once more.

* * *

**3.**

As soon as she opened her eyes, Alyssa doubled over and vomited onto the ground.

Seeing Emma die like that once more, coupled with the nausea she already felt from the time travel, had made everything spin and tilt alarmingly. Groaning, Alyssa straightened back up again and slumped against the wall of her apartment building. She tried to take deep, slow breaths, but she still felt dizzy and shaky.

By the time she made it to her meeting with Dee Dee, she was even later than usual. Her boss clearly wasn’t happy about that but, even as she briefed Alyssa on the mission, concern made its way into her expression.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Greene?”

Alyssa forced a nod. “Never better, Ms. Allen. I just want to get out into the field and stop this bastard.”

“Alright,” Dee Dee said, but she didn’t look totally convinced. “Go see Saperstein for the paperwork.”

“On it,” Alyssa said, knowing even as she turned to leave what Dee Dee was going to say next.

“And, Greene? Good luck.”

“Thanks, Ms. Allen,” Alyssa said, phasing backwards through the door and hoping luck would indeed be on her side this time.

Clearly, trying to warn Emma about her impending death was out of the question. For whatever reason, she was physically unable to do it, so she had to think outside the box. Alyssa paced the rooftop back and forth as the minutes ticked down to 9:59 and Emma would appear, wracking her brain for some kind of plan. Any kind of plan.

“Hey.”

Alyssa’s stomach flipped, but in a much more pleasant way than it had almost an hour earlier. She turned to see Emma standing in front of her, smiling at her like she wasn’t going to die in approximately five minutes. Alyssa swallowed thickly, trying to restrain herself more than she had last time. She didn’t want to waste the precious seconds they had left.

“Hey,” she said, walking over to Emma as if in a trance. Her eyes roamed around Emma’s face, drinking her in. This was the lasting image of Emma she wanted in her head, not the one she already had of her lifeless body plummeting out of the sky.

“Sorry if I made you late this morning,” Emma said sheepishly. “If I’d have known you’d beat me in a race to LA and back, I never would’ve challenged you last night.”

“It’s okay.” Alyssa’s voice came out as little more than a whisper. “It was worth it.”

Emma ducked her head. “Still, I feel bad. Can I buy you takeout later to make up for it?”

“Yes.”

A shy smile spread across Emma’s face. “Okay, cool. Celebratory dinner after we take care of Nick.”

Her words jolted Alyssa into action. She still needed a plan, and here she was, just staring at her soon-to-be-dead friend like some kind of idiot. She turned to scan the horizon, even as she knew exactly where they’d be needed. She wondered if the universe would allow her to suggest the hospital as a lookout spot, or whether it was too much of a spoiler.

Before she could try, Kaylee’s voice interrupted them.

“_He’s here_.”

Emma’s eyes widened. “What’s his status?”

“_Breached the south-east city border. Guys, his footsteps are heading for the hospital. Shelby and I aren’t fast enough, and she can’t get close enough to stop time_.”

Alyssa bit her lip as Emma looked at her with bright eyes.

“Up for another race?”

“Need a boost?” Emma asked, landing beside her on the ground.

Alyssa shook her head. “If he’s headed our way, I think I’ll be of more use at street level.”

“Okay,” Emma said. “I’ll be our eyes up above.”

Before Alyssa could say anything more, Emma took off into the air again. She soared high above her, flying back and forth and looping around the hospital.

“_Do you have any idea why he’s targeting the hospital specifically? _” Emma asked. Alyssa found herself wondering the same thing.

“_No_,” Kaylee said over the comms. “_We’re getting there as fast as we can, but it looks like it’s just going to be you two for five or ten minutes_.”

Alyssa saw the same shimmer at the end of the street as she’d seen before. This time, however, she didn’t notify Emma. She should’ve known better, though, because as soon as Nick launched a car in Alyssa’s direction, it alerted Emma to his presence. Alyssa quickly dodged the car, looking up to see Emma flying her way.

“_I’ve got you, Lys_,” she said, her voice coming directly into Alyssa’s ear.

Alyssa watched, helpless, as an invisible force ripped a stop sign clean out of the sidewalk. The jagged end of the pole glinted in the sun. Her mind was racing but she just couldn’t come up with a solution. Every warning she tried to force out wouldn’t come.

Instead, her feet made the decision for her. She started running in Nick’s direction, as fast as she could, but it was too late. The sign launched itself into the air, flying true, and Alyssa watched in slow-motion as it passed over her head and embedded itself into Emma’s chest. Emma yelped into her ear, and the sound broke Alyssa’s heart.

She managed to land one solid punch on an invisible enemy before she was pulled back in time once more.

* * *

**7.**

During her meeting with Dee Dee, Alyssa tried something she hadn’t before.

“Can I request to be paired with Klein on this one?”

Dee Dee looked surprised. “You don’t want to be paired with Nolan?”

“No, um…” Alyssa took a deep breath. “I think my personal feelings, by which I mean my feelings for her, might cloud my judgement.”

It was the first time she’d confirmed out loud the way she felt about Emma, and it clearly took Dee Dee aback. She blinked a few times, opening and closing her mouth as she digested Alyssa’s confession.

“I suppose that we can change the pairs,” she said finally, “since it’s relevant to the good of the op. Meet with Klein at ten, south side of the city. Saperstein will give you the exact location when you fill out the paperwork.”

“Thank you,” Alyssa said, letting out a relieved sigh and turning to go.

“And, Greene?”

“Yes, Ms. Allen?”

“Good luck.”

“Alyssa, hi.”

Kaylee looked a little confused, which Alyssa understood. She was, after all, used to being paired with Shelby on the rare occasions where they had collaborative missions between departments. But she gave Alyssa a bright smile all the same.

“Hey,” Alyssa said weakly. It was odd, not being with Emma at this time, but she was haunted by her failed attempts and, honestly, Kaylee’s face was a breath of fresh air. Besides, Alyssa had decided that she could probably try out some different things until she found a way to actually save Emma’s life. “So, um, any ideas on what Nick wants?”

“None,” Kaylee sighed. “I’ve been trying to think ever since my briefing, but I just can’t come up with anything more specific than ‘revenge’.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Kaylee bit her lip. “I wish I could figure it out. It might give us a head start on where to start looking.”

“What about the hospital?” Alyssa asked, a little surprised to find that she could suggest it.

“Why there?”

“Because I’ve done—” And that was apparently where the universe drew the line, cutting her off before she could say that she’d done this before. “I don’t know, I just have a feeling about it.”

Kaylee looked unsure. “I don’t know, Alyssa. If you’re wrong…”

“But what if I’m right?” Alyssa tried not to get impatient.

“I’m not leaving my post.”

Alyssa ground her teeth. “I’m going to the hospital.”

She took off running, feeling bad as she left Kaylee behind but knowing that getting to the scene of Emma’s impending death quicker might give her an advantage. She could hear Kaylee over comms in her hear ordering her to return, so she tapped her earpiece to silence her.

She stopped when she got to the hospital, knowing that Nick would soon be on his way. Her watch read 10:01. Three minutes to go. Looking around, the only movement came from the breeze. Alyssa looked warily at the stop sign that was the usual culprit, swallowing down the bile that rose in her throat at the sight. It had been a different sign once, but so far it had almost exclusively been that one.

She was pulled from her thoughts a short while later when Emma landed next to her with a frown on her face.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Alyssa said quickly. “Why are you here?”

“Kaylee said you’d gone AWOL,” Emma said, gesturing to her earpiece. “She said you’d gone to the hospital for some reason.”

“There’s a very good explanation for this, I promise,” Alyssa said, rubbing at her temples. “I just can’t tell you.”

“Are you okay?”

Emma’s question caught Alyssa off guard. “What?”

“You’re not in trouble or anything, are you?” Emma looked concerned. “Because if I can help in any way then—”

“No, it’s fine,” Alyssa said, melting just a little bit. “Actually, there is one thing you could do.”

“What?”

Alyssa’s hands itched to hold her. “Fly away and don’t look back.”

“Huh?” Emma looked utterly confused. “Why would I do that?”

Unable to tell her, Alyssa simply shrugged. “For me?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Emma asked quietly.

Alyssa blinked back tears, nodding her head rapidly. She couldn’t deal with Emma’s kindness and selflessness right now. She knew that Emma would never leave her alone to face an enemy; it was one of the reasons she liked her so much, but it definitely wasn’t ideal when Alyssa was trying to save her.

Suddenly, Emma’s eyes snapped to something over Alyssa’s shoulder. She went pale.

“Wh—”

Before she knew what was happening, Alyssa was being thrown to the side by an invisible forced. She caught a glimpse of Emma’s hand outstretched, realizing that she was the one who had pushed her aside telekinetically, before she landed on the asphalt just in time to see Emma get impaled by the same stop sign Alyssa had been looking at only a couple of minutes ago.

“No,” Alyssa gasped. “No. That was too early.”

Clearly, though, the universe didn’t care.

Alyssa was close enough to see a trickle of blood come from Emma’s mouth, her body going limp on the ground, and barely had time to reflect on the fact that it was Emma who had just saved _her _life before the loop was restarting once again.

* * *

**13.**

“Please don’t send Emma on the mission,” Alyssa said, running through the wall of Mr. Glickman’s office.

Barry cried out, clutching at his heart. “Jesus Christ!”

“Sorry,” Alyssa said quickly. “Just… please don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’ll—” Alyssa growled in frustration at her inability to say more. “Because I don’t want her on this mission.”

Barry looked at her in confusion. “Do you not like her or something? I was under the impression you two were friends. Close friends, at that.”

“I can’t work with her,” Alyssa said, hoping she was being believable enough.

“Be that as it may, Greene, we’re under instructions to send our best agent. Nolan is my best agent, so I’m sending her.” Barry’s voice sounded final, even as his eyes held doubt. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I actually have a meeting with her right now.”

Alyssa hung her head. “Yes, sir.”

* * *

**16.**

“I still don’t know why Nick’s targeting this place,” Alyssa said, standing with Emma on the street outside the hospital.

“What do you mean ‘still’? We only found out he was targeting it a minute or two ago.”

“Oh, nothing.” Alyssa had given up on even trying to explain anything about the time loop. It wouldn’t work, so why should she waste her breath? She couldn’t even reference movies or TV shows that involved time loops to tip her off, which she thought was a bit harsh.

“You’re right, though,” Emma mused. “Why here? Did something happen to him at this hospital?”

Alyssa shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe he’s just being a dick and targeting those who can’t defend themselves.”

Knowing the time of Nick’s arrival was imminent, Alyssa moved Emma around so that her back was to the direction he’d approach from. She reached out and took hold of her hands, cheeks flushing at the curious look Emma gave her.

“What’s up?” Emma asked. “You look like you’ve got something on your mind.”

“I was just thinking that someone should keep watch inside the hospital itself,” Alyssa said, swallowing down the confession that was on the tip of her tongue. “In case he gets into the building undetected.”

“Good idea,” Emma said. “I’ll fly around the top and you can pick a floor and do laps.”

“Actually,” Alyssa said quickly. “I thought you could go in the building and I’ll keep watch from out here.”

Emma looked baffled. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Do you trust me?” Alyssa gripped her hands tighter, watching the confusion behind Emma’s eyes melt away a little.

“You know I do.”

“Then please… go into the hospital and don’t come back out,” Alyssa whispered.

Emma’s eyebrows rose, her forehead creasing in worry. Her eyes searched Alyssa’s own, and Alyssa tried to stay calm and not give away her panic as she mentally counted down the seconds.

“Okay,” she said finally.

Just as she was about to go, Nick launched a car in their direction. Emma’s eyes went wide.

“Never mind. I think he’s here.”

She turned back around and took off before Alyssa could stop her. Less than a minute later, she was hitting the ground again.

* * *

**21.**

“Emma, go! Get out of here!”

“_I’m not leaving these people, Alyssa_.”

“Please.”

“_No. I’m not leaving them, and I’m not leaving you._”

“Emma…”

“_Alyssa, listen to me. Everything’s going to be fi—_”

* * *

**24.**

Instead of going to her briefing with Dee Dee, Alyssa went straight to the hospital. She phased through wall after wall until she found what she was looking for. A room with classified patient records. Something Emma had said before had made her think. Why exactly was it the hospital Nick was targeting? Sure, there were hundreds of people here who were largely unable to fight back, but there had to be more to it than that.

Alyssa stifled a yawn as she tried another key in the lock of the filing cabinets, finally opening it and rifling through the records. Technically, it was only 9:42am, but she’d been looping the same hour for a while now, and she was beginning to get tired. Her body was telling her she’d been awake longer than usual, and the constant running was taking even more out of her. That wasn’t even getting into the emotional exhaustion that was creeping in.

What if this whole thing was useless?

No. There was a way to save her. There had to be.

She didn’t know exactly how many times she’d watched Emma die now, but every time it happened, Alyssa found herself unable to look away. She couldn’t not watch it, and it felt kind of sick, but Alyssa thought that she owed it to Emma to not flinch away as her failed rescues unfolded.

_Boomer, Nicholas_.

There it was. Alyssa pulled the file out, opening it and feeling her heart plummet at the amount of writing in this file that had been redacted. She sighed, reading as quickly as she could. She knew that Dee Dee would be wondering where she was, but she guessed she’d have to skip the paperwork and go without her earpiece this time around. At least she wouldn’t have to hear Emma get hit right in her ear.

From what she could gather in the file, Nick had been a patient in the hospital shortly before his banishment a couple of years ago. He’d undergone some sort of treatment, but the nature of said treatment had been blacked out, much to Alyssa’s frustration. Maybe it held the answer.

At the very least, though, it linked him to the hospital with a possible motive.

Slipping the file inside her jacket, Alyssa sped out of the room. She waited on the top of the north side lookout building for Emma, tapping her foot impatiently as the minutes ticked down until 9:59.

“Hey.” Emma sounded surprised, like she hadn’t expected to see her there. Alyssa reasoned that it was probably something to do with her skipping her briefing with Dee Dee.

“Hi,” Alyssa said, striding towards Emma. She tried not to let herself get distracted upon seeing her alive again; it had happened enough times now, and she had more pressing issues. “We need to go to the hospital.”

“What, why?”

Alyssa pulled out the file. “Nick was a patient there. I think they did something to him that he didn’t like. Something he’s trying to get revenge for.”

“Motive,” Emma said. She looked from the file up to Alyssa’s face. “I know we raced yesterday, but are you up for a rematch?”

Getting to the hospital a couple of minutes earlier, and the new knowledge Alyssa had, didn’t work. Nick still killed Emma in the most sudden way possible, and Alyssa still watched as the woman she lov—as her friend crashed back down to earth.

* * *

**29.**

Almost immediately after opening her eyes at the start of the hour, Alyssa slid to the floor, slumping against the outside of her apartment building, and fell asleep.

* * *

**33.**

Alyssa awoke with a start, still leaning against the wall.

“Shit,” she whispered. She checked her watch. 10:03. Emma was going to die in one minute.

She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep. She felt like she’d slept for more than fifty-eight minutes, even if she didn’t feel at all well-rested, which meant that multiple loops had probably passed her by. She’d let Emma die multiple times while she slept.

Trying to push aside her guilt, Alyssa climbed to her feet and ran in the direction of the hospital. She was fast; faster than anyone else she knew. But she still wasn’t fast enough. She arrived on the scene just in time to see Emma flying towards the hospital. A stop sign wrenched itself from the ground, the jagged and uneven end glinting in the sunlight.

Nick threw it into the air, and Alyssa didn’t even have time to open her mouth before the pole pierced Emma’s chest and knocked her out of the sky.

Alyssa ran to catch her, and got a couple of seconds staring into Emma’s surprised eyes before the light behind them went out, and the world around her went dark and she was pulled back yet again.

* * *

**38.**

Alyssa didn’t know how many more times she could do this. She was running out of ideas.

* * *

**47.**

“Hey,” Emma greeted her like usual.

Alyssa swallowed heavily. “Hi.”

“Ready to kick ass?” Emma’s bright smile faded as she got closer. “Hey, what’s the matter? God, did I get you in trouble for the race?”

“No,” Alyssa said. “I mean, I was late to the briefing, but that’s not your fault.”

Emma stopped right in front of her, concern etched into her face as she pushed a loose curl of Alyssa’s hair back behind her ear. Alyssa’s eyes fluttered closed, a soft sigh escaping her as she felt Emma’s warm fingers brush her cheek. Unable to help herself, she reached up and covered Emma’s hand with her own.

When she opened her eyes again, it was to find Emma staring at her with a slightly nervous expression on her face. Alyssa saw her swallow, teeth worrying her bottom lip as her eyes flickered around Alyssa’s face. And, suddenly, Alyssa felt breathless. She couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Emma, I—” Alyssa took a deep breath. “I like you.”

“I like you, too,” Emma said simply.

“No, I _like _you.” Alyssa tried again. “I have _feelings _for you, and I never told you, and maybe it’s pointless trying but I just thought you should know that—”

Emma cut her off with a kiss, warming Alyssa from the inside out. For a moment, everything was fine. Emma wasn’t about to die, there was no time loop, things were good. Alyssa let herself get lost in the kiss and in the feeling of Emma’s soft lips moving against her own. It was everything she’d dreamed of, and more.

Alyssa wrapped her arms around Emma’s waist, drawing them closer together and deepening the kiss a little desperately until she could swear she felt Emma’s heart beating right out of her chest. Emma’s hands cupped her cheeks, tilting her head to the side and kissing her again. Alyssa held on tightly, the thought suddenly entering her mind that maybe if they kissed for long enough then Emma wouldn’t go.

But then Kaylee’s voice cut through the moment.

“_He’s here._”

Emma pulled back from the kiss sharply, looking almost like she’d forgotten where she was. She cleared her throat as she took two steps back, her gaze on her shoes. “Um… what’s his status?”

“_Breached the south-east city border. Guys, his footsteps are heading for the hospital. Shelby and I aren’t fast enough, and she can’t get close enough to stop time._”

“Roger.” Emma glanced quickly up at Alyssa, who was stood frozen in place. “How much of that did you hear, Kaylee?”

Kaylee snorted. “_I hear everything, Nolan._”

“Right,” Emma said, her cheeks flushing. She bit her lip anxiously as her eyes found Alyssa’s. “Can we continue this conversation later?”

“Yeah,” Alyssa croaked, knowing that they couldn’t. “Yeah, of course we can.”

Emma stumbled slightly on her way to the edge of the roof, flying off into the wind. Alyssa didn’t follow right away. Instead, she closed her eyes, committing the feel of Emma’s kiss to memory. Her feelings for her weren’t unrequited.

Alyssa didn’t know whether that made things better or worse.

* * *

**48.**

“I don’t see anything,” Emma said, frowning as she looked down at the street from on top of the hospital.

Like usual, a car flew through the air and crashed into the building below them. Emma puffed out her cheeks.

“Okay, now I do.” Emma started running towards the edge of the roof. “Cover me.”

“Emma, wait!” Alyssa yelled, covering the distance between them in the blink of an eye and grabbing onto her. If she could stop Emma from taking off…

Her feet left solid ground as Emma flew into open air. Her arms were around the small of Alyssa’s back, only pitching to the side slightly as she adjusted to compensate for Alyssa’s weight. Alyssa clung onto her, suddenly aware of just how high up they were.

“Alyssa, what are you doing?” Emma asked, flying off in the direction of where Nick had thrown the car from.

“Trying to save you!”

Emma spluttered. “From what?”

“I can’t say,” Alyssa whimpered, screwing her eyes shut tight. “Just trust me on this.”

“Of course I trust you,” Emma said, raising her voice over the wind. “I just don’t know what exactly this is meant to accomplish.”

“Please, Emma, just keep flying up,” Alyssa sobbed, tears welling up behind her eyelids. Watching Emma die the last time, after they’d kissed, had hurt even more than usual. “Let’s just fly away and never come back, I’m begging you.”

“What is going on?” Emma sounded scared. “Lys, what are you not telling me?”

Alyssa wanted so badly to be able to explain it to her. But she couldn’t. Mind racing to think of a way around it, she almost didn’t hear Emma’s gasp.

“Fuck.”

Alyssa felt like she’d been sucker punched in the gut. Emma was ripped from her grip as Alyssa was pushed up and up, until she was several feet above Emma. She screamed as she kept going higher and higher, finally noticing Emma’s hand outstretched towards her. Even from her height above her, Alyssa could see an apology in her eyes.

And then, just like always, Emma was run through.

She kept her hand outstretched to Alyssa even as she fell, only stopping when she hit the ground. Alyssa’s stomach rose into her throat as she herself began to plummet as well, and she was suddenly filled with a panic unlike she’d ever felt before. What happened to the time loop if she died, too?

The ground was getting closer and closer. Alyssa could see Emma lying there, and she wondered if she’d soon join her. She closed her eyes.

Before she could hit the tarmac, she felt the familiar tug in her gut, and the hour restarted once again.

* * *

**55.**

“Can you go fetch Shelby and Kaylee?” Alyssa asked. “They said they can’t get to the hospital fast enough, but maybe you could give them a lift.”

“Good idea,” Emma said. “If we can get Shelby close enough to freeze time, that might just be the thing we need.”

It almost worked.

Emma dropped Kaylee and Shelby off by the hospital doors, and Shelby had almost located an invisible Nick, when Alyssa heard Emma’s yelp into her earpiece and watched as she fell. Her heart sank, because she’d come so close to saving her, but it still wasn’t enough.

She was starting to feel like nothing she tried would ever be enough, and she’d be cursed to relive this hour forever.

As the world went dark, Alyssa reasoned that at least she got to keep seeing Emma alive before she inevitably died each time.

* * *

**60.**

“Need a boost?”

“Please,” Alyssa whispered, stepping close and wrapping her arms around Emma’s neck.

She watched the movement of Emma’s throat as she swallowed, before winding her arms around Alyssa’s waist in return. They held onto each other tightly as Emma took off, flying them to the roof of the hospital. Unlike the times before, Alyssa didn’t close her eyes as the ground dropped further and further away. She just looked into Emma’s eyes, trying to pinpoint every fleck of gold she could see in the bright morning light.

Emma stepped away when they landed, to Alyssa’s disappointment. She guessed that even though she now knew that Emma felt something for her, Emma didn’t have the same gift – or burden – of knowing that her feelings were returned. She looked nervous, like she didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, and it made Alyssa’s heart ache. How had she not seen it before?

“We’re at the hospital.” Emma’s voice shook slightly as she addressed the others over comms. “Do you have any idea why he’d be targeting this place?”

Kaylee’s answer never changed. “_No. We’re getting there as fast as we can, but it looks like it’s just going to be you two for five or ten minutes_.”

Alyssa didn’t even have to look anymore. She knew exactly where Nick was. “Emma, there.”

“I don’t see anything,” Emma said, looking in the direction Alyssa was pointing.

Like always, the flying car made Emma’s eyes widen almost comically behind her glasses.

“Okay, now I do.”

Alyssa knew what happened next. Emma would run towards the edge, telling Alyssa to cover her. She’d take off into the sky, doing her best to locate an invisible opponent, and she’d be cut down out of the air before she could. Most times, she hardly saw the cause of her death coming.

Alyssa, though. She knew what would happen.

“Wait a moment,” she murmured, putting out an arm to stop Emma from going just yet.

“Lys, we have to stop him.” Emma’s imploring gaze met her own.

“I know we do, I just…” Alyssa’s breath came shorter and shorter. “Fuck it.”

She gripped Emma’s collar, tugging her forwards. They met in a hungry kiss, Alyssa’s eyes slipping shut at the first press of Emma’s lips against her own. Emma’s hands flailed for a moment before coming to rest at the curve of Alyssa’s waist.

Alyssa kissed her fiercely, flicking her tongue against Emma’s bottom lip until she parted them with a soft gasp. She licked into Emma’s mouth, holding onto her collar for dear life at the sound of Emma’s whimper. Emma kissed her back eagerly, bringing them impossibly close and making Alyssa’s heart race.

Alyssa broke the kiss, leaning her forehead against Emma’s and breathing harshly. She knew better than to try and keep kissing her forever, but God, she was tempted to try. Emma took a long, shuddering breath, her lips ghosting over Alyssa’s as she spoke with a hoarse voice.

“What was that for?”

Alyssa fought down a sob. “For luck.”

She stepped back, releasing her grip on Emma and meeting her eyes as best she could. Emma looked breathless, and a little confused, but Alyssa knew she was happy. It simultaneously broke and comforted her. She breathed deeply, watching as Emma slowly turned her attention to where another vehicle was being launched at the hospital. This impact was higher, and Alyssa could feel the vibrations beneath her feet.

“Cover me,” Emma said. She turned to go, hesitating for a second. “Alyssa, I—"

“Tell me later,” Alyssa interrupted. She couldn’t bear to hear the next words out of Emma’s mouth, not right now. “Once all this is done.”

Emma nodded. “I will.”

And with that, she took off running, pushing off into flight once she reached the edge. Alyssa sank to her knees as the tears fell, watching helplessly as Emma’s death caught her unawares yet again. Emma dropped from sight, and Alyssa closed her eyes. She tried to picture Emma as she knew her – alive – but all she could see was the moment the sharp end of the pole pierced her skin. She didn’t want this to be how she remembered Emma.

But she was starting to think it might be.

* * *

**64.**

Alyssa sat on the sidewalk outside her apartment building, eyes closed. She was awake, though. Her body and mind were both exhausted, but she didn’t think she’d be able to sleep even if she _didn’t _feel guilty about it.

She felt awful enough as it was.

This was the fourth hour in a row that she hadn’t moved from her starting spot.

Alyssa didn’t think she could bear to watch Emma die again. Part of her told her that she needed to be there for Emma even if she couldn’t save her, but she just couldn’t bring herself to move from this spot.

She was the fastest person she knew, but she wasn’t fast enough to save Emma.

Shelby had been right. The universe wasn’t going to let her cheat it out of Emma’s death that easily. Alyssa was starting to think that it wasn’t going to let her cheat it out of Emma’s death at all.

She should be out there at least trying. But the hopelessness was creeping in, and Alyssa was starting to wonder if she could keep doing this. She didn’t know if seeing Emma alive every hour was worth watching her be blissfully unaware of what was to come, only to be struck down every single time. It wasn’t fair. If she couldn’t save Emma, then what kind of a hero was she?

Alyssa buried her head in her hands, shoulders shaking from the sobs that began to wrack her body.

* * *

**67.**

Alyssa didn’t remember to eat as often as she should. Unlimited breakfast food sounded nice in theory, but she was pretty sure she was in her third day of looping the same hour over and over, and after a while she couldn’t even think about breakfast without getting a queasy feeling in her stomach. Maybe it had to do with what she was starting to associate it with.

Instead, she bought a sandwich on her way to the north side lookout building, deciding that there was no point going to her briefing with Dee Dee. There was no point to any of this. But she had finally forced herself to move from the spot on the street outside her apartment, and she was going to see Emma again for the first time since she’d grabbed her and kissed her before letting her go off to die. At least this Emma wouldn’t remember that.

Alyssa sat on the edge of the building, dangling her legs off the side and peering down. At the start of all this she’d been a little scared of heights like this, but now she was well and truly used to them. She knew she couldn’t bring herself to jump and end it all, even if she wanted to, but sitting on the edge at least made her feel something other than numb.

“Hey,” Emma said from behind her.

Alyssa swallowed, not wanting to turn around. “Hey.”

“What’s up?” Emma asked. Alyssa heard her footsteps approach, keeping her eyes on her hands as they twisted themselves in her lap as Emma sat down on the edge beside her. “Mr. Glickman said that you didn’t show for your briefing with Ms. Allen.”

“I didn’t.”

“But you still knew to be here.”

“Yep.”

She could tell Emma was confused, but she also knew that she wouldn’t be allowed to explain, so why try?

“Alyssa, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t tell you,” Alyssa whispered. She wanted Emma to drop it; they only had a few more minutes together before it all started again.

“Look at me.” Emma’s voice was quiet, almost a plea. “Lys…”

Alyssa steeled herself, turning her head and meeting Emma’s eyes. Her breath caught in her throat, because Emma somehow looked even more beautiful than usual. And once she started looking at Emma, she couldn’t stop. Alyssa’s eyes roamed all over her face, making sure she hadn’t forgotten a single detail of her features in the time they’d been apart.

“You look exhausted,” Emma said. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Guess not.”

“I’m so sorry,” Emma said.

Alyssa frowned. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because the dumb race clearly kept you up,” Emma said. Alyssa couldn’t believe it.

“Emma Nolan, don’t you _dare _blame yourself.”

Emma looked taken aback. “Sorry.”

“No, just—” Alyssa sighed. “Can we just sit here for a moment?”

“Sure,” Emma said. She looked worried, but she didn’t press it further. “You know I’m always here for you, though, right? Whatever you need.”

Alyssa choked back a hollow laugh. She was always there, until she wasn’t. And it was all Alyssa’s fault. She opened her mouth, not quite sure what she was trying to say, but—

“_He’s here_.”

* * *

**68.**

“Emma, meet me on the roof of the hospital as soon as you can.”

“_But I have a briefing with Mr. Glickman_.” Emma’s perplexed voice came through the phone and Alyssa could almost see the look on her face.

“I know,” she said. “But please come. It’s important.”

Emma paused for a second. “_Okay_.”

Alyssa hung up. She’d been tempted to call Emma before and ask her to meet earlier, prior to their usual time, but she’d been so caught up in trying to just change one thing about the way the situation played out to even consider the real possibility of just throwing the rule book out the window. The universe clearly wasn’t playing fair, so why should she?

It didn’t take long for Emma to arrive. She landed next to Alyssa, concern filling her eyes. Alyssa tried not to let herself get distracted by Emma; she’d seen her newly alive enough over the past however many hours she’d spent doing just this, but she’d never been faced with the prospect of having so much time with her. It was 9:10 and Emma wasn’t meant to die for almost forty-five more minutes.

And, of course, neither of them going to their briefing would mean that the mission itself would be in shambles, and neither of them would be able to hear Kaylee’s warnings over comms, but Alyssa knew how every last second of this scenario played out by now. She didn’t need comms. She just needed to speak to Emma, and the rest of it was just a risk she was going to have to take.

“Nick Boomer is on his way to the city. He was a patient here,” Alyssa began, in lieu of a greeting and kind of surprised that she could tell Emma this much. She supposed that, had Emma gone to her meeting, she’d know by now that Nick was coming. “Just before his banishment. Most of his patient file is redacted, but there’s possible motive for him to target this place if he’s going to attack.”

Emma gaped at her. “And you know this how?”

“I… can’t explain,” Alyssa said. “You’re just going to have to trust me on this.”

“I trust you,” Emma said immediately. “With my life.”

“Please don’t say that,” Alyssa begged, Emma’s words a dagger to her heart. “I’m not worth that.”

“No, you are,” Emma insisted, taking a step closer. For a moment, Alyssa thought Emma might reach out and hold her hands, but she didn’t. She just fidgeted on the spot slightly. “I’ve always thought so.”

“Why do you trust me so blindly?” Alyssa’s voice was small. She knew Emma trusted her, just as she trusted Emma, but she was always so quick to accept whatever Alyssa threw at her. This whole ordeal had proved that, at the very least.

Emma shrugged, cheeks flushing. “Because you always know how to get out of something. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met, Alyssa, and your heart… you care about things. About people. About doing what’s right even if it seems impossible.”

“I—” Alyssa blinked back tears. “But what if things _are _impossible? What if I try every single thing I can think of and it’s still not enough? What if there’s no way out?”

“There’s always a way out,” Emma said. “There has to be. Otherwise what’s the point in trying?”

Alyssa laughed bitterly. “Yeah. I’ve been asking myself that question a lot lately.”

“Alyssa, I can tell something’s wrong,” Emma said. She hesitantly reached out, trailing the tips of her trembling fingers over Alyssa’s cheekbone. “You look exhausted, and… well, you haven’t been acting like you.”

“It’s a long story,” Alyssa whispered, leaning into the touch despite herself. “I wish I could tell you.”

Emma still looked worried, but she looked like she was letting it go, for now at least. “So, you said Nick used to be a patient here. Why don’t we go find out what this hospital’s hiding?”

Nothing.

The hospital was hiding _nothing_. There were no secret torture labs, or discrepancies in the blueprints, or anything like that. So then why had so much of Nick’s file been redacted?

Alyssa rubbed at her temples, growing more and more frustrated by the second. Had they simply blacked it out because he was a super? Or had it happened once he’d been banished, and whatever his treatment had been was now considered classified because of his villain status?

She’d wasted so much time wondering what was hidden in that file that she hadn’t even stopped to consider that it may not be relevant. Sure, Nick had a link to the hospital, but that may not have been why he was attacking it. Alyssa had never felt more confused, or more stupid. She felt cheated.

“Damn red herring,” she muttered under her breath.

“What?” Emma asked from the other side of the office.

Alyssa shook her head, sighing heavily. “Nothing. I just really thought the file was the key.”

“How did you see the file?” Emma asked curiously. “It’s just… you don’t have it with you.”

The file had returned to its place in the locked cabinet after the end of the loop in which Alyssa had taken possession of it. There had been little point stealing it once more. And one thing Alyssa had learned through this was that she couldn’t reference specific events from previous loops.

“I can’t tell you.”

Emma sighed. “Lys…”

“No, Em, I really can’t tell you,” Alyssa said. “I physically can’t.”

“That’s…” Emma’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t know about Nick until you told me, but I’m guessing that’s what the briefing was about, so how do you know?”

“I—”

“Can’t tell me, right,” Emma said. She crossed the distance between them, looking at Alyssa with a slight crease between her eyebrows that Alyssa wanted to reach out and smooth away.

“I want to,” Alyssa said quietly. “Believe me, Emma, I want to tell you more than anything.”

Emma nodded slowly. “But something’s stopping you. Something external.”

Alyssa’s eyes widened.

“You can’t tell me… but maybe I can guess.” Emma narrowed her eyes, looking like she was trying to piece it all together. “You know things as they happen; things you maybe shouldn’t know. You look tired, and haunted, and you keep glancing at me like you think I’m going to disappear if you look away for too long.”

Alyssa swallowed, her heart rate picking up with every word out of Emma’s mouth. She couldn’t confirm any of this for her, but she didn’t need to.

“I think… no.” Emma swallowed hard. “Alyssa, am I dead?”

A sob tore itself from Alyssa’s throat. Emma paled.

“Shelby…” she trailed off. “Oh, God. Alyssa, did you ask Shelby to send you back in time? Can she _do_ that? How many times have you done this?”

She grabbed Alyssa’s shoulders, tears welling in her own eyes. Alyssa couldn’t respond, but Emma had apparently worked it all out.

“Why would you do that?” Emma asked desperately.

_Because it’s my fault you’re dead. Because I couldn’t bear the thought of going on without you. Because I love you._

All of this was on the tip of Alyssa’s tongue, but the universe held her back from saying anything that told Emma she was right. But even in her mind, she knew it to be true. She loved Emma. She loved her so much, and she wasn’t going to let her die. No matter how many attempts it took, Alyssa would make sure Emma got out of this alive.

Emma hugged her tight. “This must be torture for you. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Alyssa finally managed, clinging onto the back of Emma’s shirt and breathing her in.

There was a crash, and Alyssa knew that Nick had launched his attack. She held Emma tighter, not wanting to let go just yet. She needed more time to think of a plan, because she still wasn’t allowed to tell Emma what killed her. Besides, maybe the universe was one step ahead, and it would be something completely different that killed her now that Emma had figured out the time loop. And if Emma died again, she’d be right back to square one, and Emma would have no idea.

Emma pulled back from the hug just slightly until she was almost nose to nose with Alyssa. The building began to shake. Given that Emma wasn’t flying around outside, it seemed that Nick had taken his attack one step further and was now trying to tear down the hospital itself. God, maybe he _was _just a dick going after innocent lives. Maybe that was all there was to it.

“If what I’ve guessed is true, I suppose I’m not going to remember anything next time,” Emma said, her hands cupping Alyssa’s cheeks. “Unless…”

“Unless what?”

“This is going to sound weird, but I need you to trust me on this,” Emma said hurriedly.

“I trust you completely.” Alyssa held onto her for dear life. All this time, it had been Emma placing her trust in Alyssa, and now it was her turn to trust blindly.

“I need to get out of here before we _both_ die,” Emma said. “I’ll go outside and hold him off so nobody else gets hurt.”

“Emma—”

“Please let me finish,” Emma begged. “When the loop restarts, play everything the same as it was the first time. But when you see me, at the moment you’re supposed to, I want you to say this to me: Day One.”

“Day One,” Alyssa repeated, flinching when she heard a child’s scream from somewhere down the hall.

“Tell me that. It’s something only I know the meaning of, and it should be vague enough that you’re allowed to say it.” Emma explained. “Hopefully my dumbass self will realize what’s happening.”

Emma pressed a kiss to her forehead. Alyssa’s eyes fluttered shut and, all of a sudden, Emma was gone. Alyssa was left alone in the office, completely shell-shocked and not quite believing what had just happened.

Approximately twenty seconds later, she felt the tell-tale tug in her gut.

* * *

**69.**

“You’re late, Greene,” Dee Dee Allen said. “And considering your gifts, that’s quite a feat.”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Allen,” Alyssa said, bouncing nervously on her toes as she recited her lines for what would hopefully be the last time. “It won’t happen again.”

“Good.”

“What’s the briefing?”

“Nick Boomer.” Dee Dee let out a heavy sigh. “He’s back.”

Alyssa watched as Dee Dee stood up, walking around her desk and perching on the edge of it.

“Word came from Shields that he’s on his way here,” Dee Dee continued. “He’s looking for revenge on the city that cast him out. Barry, Trent, Angie and I are each sending our best agent out into the field.”

“A collaboration? Who’s heading the op?” Alyssa tapped her foot impatiently.

“Technically, as the Director, Hawkins is,” Dee Dee said, with a somewhat fond roll of her eyes. “But there’s no team leader on this; you all have equal ranking.”

“Understood.” Alyssa said. “Who’s being volunteered for this?”

“Trent is sending Klein, Angie’s sending Gonzales, and Barry…” Dee Dee paused. “Barry is sending Nolan.”

Alyssa’s heart sped up. She fought to keep a neutral expression at Emma’s name. “Oh.”

“That won’t be a problem, will it?” Dee Dee raised an eyebrow. “I like to think I’m up to date on all… _personal _developments, but—”

“There’s no developments,” Alyssa said quickly. “Em—Nolan and I are just friends.”

“Even if you want more?”

They both wanted more, Alyssa knew that now. “It doesn’t matter what I want. The mission comes first.”

“Hm.” Dee Dee crossed her arms over her chest. “This is a matter of the city’s safety, Greene. Keep focus.”

“I will.”

Dee Dee narrowed her eyes for a moment, before her expression cleared. “Good. Go see Saperstein for the paperwork.”

Alyssa nodded, turning and walking towards the door. Just as she reached it, Dee Dee spoke again.

“And, Greene?”

Alyssa faced her. “Yes, Ms. Allen?”

“Good luck.”

“Thank you,” Alyssa said. She took a deep breath, hoping that this would be the one shot she needed, before stepping backwards and phasing through the solid wood.

“Hey,” Emma greeted her, making Alyssa’s stomach swoop dangerously low.

Hoping that Emma’s plan, whatever it may be, would work, Alyssa strode over to her. She came to a stop in front of Emma, far closer than she would have at the start of all this.

“I need to tell you something,” she said, wringing her hands nervously.

Emma’s brow furrowed. “Lys, you look awful. I mean, you look beautiful, you always do, but it looks like you haven’t slept in days and I didn’t mean to insult you by saying you look tired but I guess I’m just rambling now and—"

“Day One.”

Emma choked on her own breath. “W-What?”

“Day One,” Alyssa repeated. “You know what it means.”

“Yeah,” Emma said shakily. “Do you?”

“No,” Alyssa said. She struggled to find a way that she’d be permitted to explain it. “I don’t know what it means, but it’s very important that I say those words to you.”

Emma’s eyes searched her face curiously. Alyssa willed her to understand with all of her might, knowing that the precious seconds were ticking away. God, she was tired. Slowly, what appeared to be realization dawned on Emma’s face.

“Did I tell you to tell me that?” she asked. Alyssa couldn’t even nod to confirm, but Emma was smart. She was so smart. “If I did, then that means there’s something I’m not remembering. Did Shelby mess with time? Did you _ask _her to?”

Alyssa bit down hard on her bottom lip.

“The bags under your eyes…” Emma trailed off, running a hand through her hair as she thought aloud. “You’ve done this before. _We’ve_ done this before, only I don’t remember… Time loop. If you’re the one looping, then… If I told you those words, then… Jesus, something happens to me, doesn’t it?”

“No time to explain,” Alyssa said, hardly daring to breathe. She almost couldn't believe Emma had worked it out that quickly, just from two short words. “I can’t get specific, but I think it would be a really good idea for us to pick up Kaylee and Shelby and take them to the—to where Nick’s heading.”

“But protocol—”

“Fuck protocol,” Alyssa said. She’d had the protocol conversation with Emma a couple of times already, in previous failed attempts, and she was done with it. “Day One, Emma.”

Emma blinked back tears. “Day One. Okay, let’s go get them.”

Kaylee and Shelby both looked bewildered when Emma and Alyssa arrived.

“You’re meant to be watching from the north side,” Shelby protested. “What the hell do you two think you’re doing, leaving your post before we know where he’s—”

“He’s here,” Kaylee said suddenly, and Shelby fell silent. Kaylee closed her eyes. “He’s breached the south-east city border. Guys, his footsteps are heading for the hospital.”

“That’s not too far from here,” Shelby said. “You two speed on ahead, Kaylee and I will get there when we can.”

“No.”

To Alyssa’s surprise, it was Emma who spoke.

“We all go together,” Emma continued, meeting Alyssa’s eyes. “Who wants to travel by land and who wants to travel by air?”

“I’m not flying,” Kaylee said immediately.

Emma grabbed Shelby unceremoniously. “Works for me.”

Without another word, Emma took off with Shelby hanging onto her with a disgruntled look on her face. Alyssa quickly turned around so that her back was to Kaylee.

“Hop on.”

Kaylee jumped onto her back, looping her arms around Alyssa’s neck and burying her face in her hair. Alyssa sped down to street level before running in the direction of the hospital. She was pleased to find that Kaylee didn’t slow her down much, and given the hospital was much closer to the south side lookout than the north, she got there quicker than she had almost every time she’d done this before.

As soon as Kaylee climbed down off Alyssa’s back, she turned and promptly threw up.

“Sorry,” Alyssa said. “It takes some getting used to.”

“I should’ve flown,” Kaylee muttered, accepting Shelby’s comforting rub on the back before straightening up and wiping her mouth.

“Where is he, Kayls?” Shelby asked.

Kaylee closed her eyes, concentrating hard. “End of the street.”

Alyssa saw the same shimmer she always did. “I’ll distract him.”

“I’ll help,” Emma said, her feet lifting from the ground.

“No.” Alyssa grabbed her hand, pulling her back down.

Emma looked confused for a moment, before understanding passed over her face. “I’ll secure the inside of the hospital? Make sure no-one gets hurt in there.”

Alyssa squeezed her hand. “I’ll cover you.”

Emma took off running. Nick picked up a car as if it weighed nothing, throwing it at the hospital and narrowly avoiding Emma’s path. Alyssa watched, dread clawing in her stomach, as she saw a sign – a different one than the usual stop sign – rip itself from the sidewalk.

“Shelby,” Alyssa warned her desperately. Shelby turned just as Nick threw the sign like a javelin, bringing one hand up and stopping it in its path. The sign, with its jagged end, hung suspended in the air, frozen in time. Emma disappeared inside the building, safe for now, but Alyssa knew they weren’t out of the woods yet.

Kaylee took over, lowering the sign out of the sky so that Shelby didn’t have to focus on keeping time frozen around it. Although Kaylee wasn’t as practised at gravity manipulation as she was with her primary hearing abilities, there was no doubt that it came in useful when she had control over it.

Nick was still invisible, and Alyssa’s eyes were tired, but she still caught a glimpse of a disturbance in the air. She grabbed Shelby’s hand, tugging her along at half her running speed to get her close enough.

“Now!”

Shelby followed the path of Alyssa’s eyeline, raising both hands and squeezing her eyes shut tight. Everything except for the two of them froze. Nick was frozen, his outline becoming clearer and clearer the longer he was immobilized for. Kaylee was frozen where she stood, looking at the two of them with worry in her eyes. Emma was presumably frozen, along with everyone else in the hospital.

And, for the first time in a long time, Alyssa felt as if she could breathe freely. She walked up to Nick, whose outline was now mostly visible, drew back her fist, and before he could unfreeze, used the speed of her punch to knock him unconscious.

“So, are you going to tell me more about this time loop, now that you can?”

Alyssa sighed, closing her eyes briefly and dropping her head to rest on Emma’s shoulder. They were sat, side by side, on Alyssa’s couch, a giant half-eaten pizza on the coffee table in front of them. Emma had bought it for them after Nick had been detained, telling Hawkins firmly that Alyssa could fill out her report tomorrow instead. Being free from the loop and seeing her watch tick past 10:04 had been almost surreal.

“It was horrible,” she murmured. “I lost count of how many times I had to watch you die.”

Emma swallowed hard. “I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like. I don’t think I could bear to watch you die even once.”

“The only thing that kept me going was the possibility that I might be able to save you,” Alyssa said. “Who knew the answer would be a secret code word and the power of teamwork?”

She laughed suddenly, a little delirious. Emma reached a hand up to stroke her hair, drawing a satisfied hum from her throat. “Alyssa, how long has it been since you slept?”

“A while,” Alyssa said. “I don’t know.”

“Get some rest,” Emma encouraged.

“Can’t,” Alyssa said, anxiety suddenly bubbling up inside her at the prospect of not being there with Emma. “What if something happens?”

“It won’t,” Emma said reassuringly. She shifted, dislodging Alyssa’s head from her shoulder, and took hold of one of her hands. Eyes shyly meeting Alyssa’s own, Emma moved their hands to rest over her heart. “Feel that?”

Alyssa swallowed, feeling Emma’s heart beating through her chest. It was strong, and faster than usual. “Yes.”

“That means you did it,” Emma said. “You saved me.”

“You saved yourself,” Alyssa protested. “If it wasn’t for what you told me the last time, I would’ve never gotten you to understand the situation and I probably would’ve found yet another way to fail. What does Day One even mean, by the way? I’ve been meaning to ask but, well, we were kind of busy fighting a supervillain.”

Emma chewed on her bottom lip nervously, taking a shaking breath. Alyssa felt the heart rate beneath her palm speed up even more. “It’s what I was going to tell you, one day.”

“Emma, please. I can’t handle any more riddles.”

“I’ve been in love with you since the first day I met you,” Emma whispered, and even though Alyssa had known that Emma felt something for her, the confession still knocked all the breath out of her lungs. “I promised myself I would tell you that before I died. I guess past loop me thought it would be enough to clue me in.”

“Past loop you was right,” Alyssa breathed.

Emma glanced down. “This isn’t how I pictured telling you. God, you’ve been through hell, and here I am acting like my feelings are the only—”

Alyssa’s free hand found the back of Emma’s neck, pulling her into a kiss. It wasn’t the first time she’d kissed Emma (even though, in a way, it was the first time Emma had kissed her), but it was the first time that Alyssa didn’t feel any urgency. She kissed Emma slow and soft, savoring every last moment and memorizing the shape of Emma’s mouth.

Emma’s shoulders relaxed, and she let herself sink into the kiss. One of her hands covered Alyssa’s over her heart, and the other one lightly gripped her forearm. Alyssa could feel her thumb stroking slowly over the skin there, raising goosebumps along her arm. Emma sucked on her bottom lip, pulling a moan from Alyssa's throat. This, right here, was bliss.

After what felt like an eternity, Alyssa pulled away. She kept them close, brushing their noses together and smiling at the hitch in Emma’s breath when she tangled her fingers in her hair.

“I love you, Emma Nolan,” she said, feeling a rush at actually saying those words out loud. “I love you so much.”

“You do?” Emma’s voice was small.

“I do.” Alyssa pressed a lingering kiss to her lips, pulling back only to yawn suddenly.

Emma giggled lightly. Alyssa didn’t think she’d ever heard Emma giggle before, but she loved it. “You should sleep.”

“Don’t wanna let you go,” Alyssa mumbled, even as her eyelids began to droop.

“You don’t have to,” Emma promised. “Here.”

She laid back on the couch, gently pulling Alyssa down with her and shuffling until Alyssa was lying on top of her with her head on her sternum. Emma was so warm beneath her, and she could feel her chest rising and falling steadily, and Alyssa's ear was pressed flat over where Emma’s heart was beating. She was well and truly _alive_.

And, with that comfort, Alyssa finally let herself drift into a peaceful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! a time loop is a concept i've wanted to write for a while now but never had the right idea until this came along! please let me know what you think!


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